Thursday, May 6, 2010

Email from Kerrville

I received this very kind and passionate comment on a post here and I wanted to share that along with my response.

I am the person who initiated the Friends of Kensi and Grace group. After reading the original email you posted from a person who received the mailing and the comments posted to date, I want to clarify some unfounded assumptions that unfortunately have been reached. First of all, Barbara Baker had nothing to do with the initiation of this effort. In fact, when first approached about the idea she expressed reluctance and continued to do so until the week of the mailing. The brochure was designed without any input from her and to my knowledge she didn’t see it until after it was finished. She also did not spend one penny of her resources for the mailing. I personally paid for every expense associated with the printing and mailing.

It saddens my heart to see the words, exploit and exploitation, appear in the commentary on your blog. The mailing was done from a heartfelt Christian perspective of helping someone in need, not exploitation of Kensi, Grace or their friends. The mailing went to a limited number of people, primarily to some members of two churches. The response has been very positive. Some of the donations have been accompanied with very sweet notes expressing their love and best wishes for the girls.

In closing I want to address the comments made in your 7:08pm post last night. Speaking for myself (and I’m sure for many, many others, including you), I do want what is best for the girls. I have not been brainwashed and am not being taken advantage of. I’ve known the Baker family for over twenty years. They are honest, hardworking, caring Christian people who have been a blessing to my family and many others in this community. I sincerely believe they will do a good job of raising Kensi and Grace and leading them into adulthood. These young ladies have already experienced more trauma than most of us have experienced in a lifetime. Adding an additional trauma by uprooting them from the community where they feel secure because of the wide and deep support system they have here will serve no purpose. I’m praying that something can be worked out between the two families. All we can do is pray and know that God is in control of all things and His will shall come to pass.

Posted by Founder of The Friends of Kensi and Grace to Don't Even Get Me Started at May 6, 2010 12:25 PM"

My response:

I very much understand and fully believe that you approached this venture from a heartfelt Christian perspective. I do. But I do not think you are seeing the whole picture.

Kensi and Grace were traumatized when their Father (a Baker) killed their Mother. To pretend this didn't happen is more trauma. To keep them in a family where they pretend the man given 65 years is innocent and getting out any day now heaps even more trauma. To pretend that their Mother committed suicide when she was murdered and taken from their world by their Father heaps trauma upon trauma upon trauma. When does that stop?

You may know the Bakers, but do you know the Dulins? They were an integral part of their granddaughters lives until Matt Baker killed Kari. Matt Baker not only ripped their daughter from this world, but with his parent’s help, removed their granddaughters from their lives. Can you imagine such pain? And for what purpose?

The following isn't something I've heard Oscar or Barbara Baker's supporters be able to say. And it is vitally important: “ Matt Baker killed Kari Baker, Kensi and Grace's Mother....Linda and Jim's daughter.....Adam's sister.” Tell me, how healthy is it for two little girls to stay with the family whose son murdered their Mother, ESPECIALLY when they will not admit the truth? This is just NOT okay. How can the girls grow up healthy and whole when they are being fed lies? Kari Baker loved her girls more than anything; she would have never left them by her own choice. Kensi and Grace need to be in an environment where they can be reminded of their mother’s love! This is just NOT okay. Barbara continues to say that Kari was despondent and depressed and even that suicide was a good option for her in "her condition." Yes, she did. Well, twelve jurors heard all of the evidence and decided unanimously and overwhelmingly that she wasn't depressed and despondent and that she DID NOT take her own life. So, what does that say about the nature of Barbara Baker? Why would such a good woman continue to vilify her dead daughter-in-law?

I am sorry but I do think the flyer is exploitation and some people that received it have contacted me and are upset. And I don't doubt that people have sent contributions feeling that they are in some way helping Kensi and Grace. I love that Kerrville is filled with people that love the girls and want the best for them and pray for them as we do here. I don't doubt that for one minute. I don't fault your motive or any givers' motives for for doing what they hope will help the girls. You say the Bakers were reluctant to have this mailed. Well, I received a copy of one of their first letters asking for money. Matt was quoting scripture. Praising God. Oh, yes....and asking for money. And who signed this letter with Matt? Barbara, Oscar, Kensi and Grace. He had those little girls (even younger at that time) put their little tiny childrens' signatures at the bottom of it. Sickening. I see a bit of a pattern here and it tells me that they may not be as reluctant as you think they are. I believe you truly believe what you say. I have seen this from the beginning. I saw the good people of Kerrville being scammed by a sexual predator and murderer....and now his Mother "doth protest too much." I do not think she is the woman you portrayed in your comment. However, I will not say more than that.

Something here just isn't right. If you really search your heart, I think you will see it. Clearly, you are a good woman who believes she is doing the right thing but I think you are incredibly wrong. No, I know you are incredibly wrong. I believe with all of my heart, that for healing to take place, Kensi and Grace must come HOME. They must come back to the family whose lives they were intertwined with before their Father murdered their Mother. They must get REAL counseling where they can learn the truth, accept it, and love their Mother.....and their Father. I know the Dulins well enough to know they will do whatever it takes to help their granddaughters heal. They LOVE their granddaughters enough to forgive and focus on their healing. I don't see that in the Bakers.

Thank you for sharing and your honesty. I return that courtesy to you with this response. There is so much more I could say. Not only have I uncovered a great deal just by going to the courthouse for myself, researching and having copies made of documents.....but I have also made many friends in Kerrville over the past few years. I have learned much from many sources. And I will use the forum of this blog to continue to uncover injustice. I still see it where Kari's daughters are concerned.

Edited this morning to add a comment left on the blog early this morning. I wanted to add it to this post here so it wouldn't be overlooked. Thank you, whoever this was.

To those who support the Bakers fight for custody:

I don't think any of you are crazy or brainwashed but, I don't get it. I don't understand how anyone who truly loves those girls could keep telling them that their Mom killed herself leaving them to go to their dead sister? Like Kari picked Kassidy over them? NEVER!

And if you still think Matt Baker is innocent, tell me HOW? Do you not see how many totally unrelated strangers from all parts of the state and country would have had to get together and concocted a story, then perjured themselves in a court of law for Matt's story to even ring partly true? Why would they do that?

Do you not get that every person who knew Kari, EVERY PERSON, except Matt, says she was not depressed. NOTHING, no e-mail, no note, no plan, no
conversation, NOTHING in Kari's life pointed to suicide outside of Matt's story and a unsigned gramaticaly incorrect typed note.

Aside from all that, can you not see that Matt's version of what happened that night is IMPOSSIBLE? Not only could Kari's death not have happened the way he said, from what he said, in the time he said, but Matt himself could not physically have done the things he said he was doing at the time.

The thing you have to understand is that no one wanted to believe that Matt killed Kari. No one. It's been a 4 year nightmare. But the facts, they just didn't add up. With that note, Matt's weird behavior after Kari died, his impossible whole-filled account of that night, his multiplying lies, horrible things surfacing from his past....Matt left us with no other option. NONE! He killed Kari and then he took her girls away from their lives.

How can you think that living with the Bakers, the people who want the girls to think their mother left them, the people who perpetuate Matt's lies everyday, the people who try to slander Kari's good name are a good for Kensi & Grace? How?

Despite what you believe or want to believe, do you realize how much more harm YOU = you personally, will bring to these girls by helping the Bakers if
you are wrong? If you are wrong the girls entire life in Kerrville is based on a lies. Knowing, as we all do, that the truth always comes out, can you imagine how horrible it will be for those girls to learn that the people who raised them were lying to them and everything they thought was true isn't? No matter what your feelings are towards the Bakers, are you willing to risk that for these two little girls who have lost so very much already?

Maybe you don't know the Dulins, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that they are and will be the best family for Kensi and Grace. They can give them a great life and bright future, without handouts might I add. They are Christian people who love God. They are successful, stable, loving people who will fight for what is right and move heaven and Earth to give Kensi and Grace the very best life possible! Our community will also do whatever we can for Kensi and Grace, just as you in Kerrville have done for these last 4 years. Those girls are so loved and continually prayed for by multitudes of Kari's friends and family.

That's what the main point of getting justice for Kari let her girls know what really happened and to give them the best life possible. We owe Kari and her girls that. To love Kensi and Grace, we know how important it is to let them love both of their parents, as hard as that might be. Tell me, do the Bakers let the girls love Kari?

Please, please, please, step back and really, really think about this. AND please pray for God to honor only what is right and true in Kensi and Graces lives. Surly that is a prayer we can all share.

PS none of my questions were meant to be rhetorical. I really would like to know what you think.

Posted by A friend of Kari's to Don't Even Get Me Started at May 7, 2010 12:52 AM

Feel free to discuss any of this in comments below.


Friend said...

To Founder of.....
In the clarity of the morning light let me restate my questions without the spelling & grammatical errors. I really and truly want to know how helping the Bakers is justified in the minds of otherwise good people.

1. How can you look past the trial and all that came up in this case and still think Matt is innocent?

2. How can it be good for Grace and Kensi to be raised by the grandparents who slander their mother's good name and perpetuate and aid the lies of their mother's murderer?

3. Do you truly think the Bakers let Kensi and Grace love their mother and honor her memory?

4. How do you justify helping the Bakers hold on to these girls knowing that if you are wrong Kensi and Grace lives will be rooted in lies?

Sadie said...

I, too feel for those whose intentions are good, but who don't realize that the people they are supporting are NOT what they seem. I agree with Shannon that it will be hard for these good folks, when they comprehend the truth about Matt Baker and his mother.

In Matthew, we are warned of false prophets, who come to us in sheep's clothing but are ravening wolves inside. That is the very definition of Matt the preacher!
Importantly, we are given a way to recognize what seems good, but is really false and dangerous:

You shall know them by their fruits. (Matt. 7:16)

People who are good at heart, who look for the best in others, who are kind and generous, are the very people who are the last to perceive evil perpetrated upon them. This is exactly how Kari became a murder victim. I know they mean well, but unfortunately, until these sadly mistaken folks develop "eyes to see and ears to hear," the repercussions for the girls remain tragic.

Barbara Baker is referred to as a "good woman." That's the impression she's given to a lot of people over a long period of time. However, the "fruit" she has displayed causes me great consternation, in light of the fact that the girls are in her care:

1. Mrs. Baker raised a narcissistic sociopath. She was proud of a son who was a Baylor grad and a preacher. But she ignored and denied his behavior as a liar, manipulator, false prophet, sexual predator, adulterer, murderer, and a father who harmed and used his children.
2. She helped Matt flee from scrutiny after the murder, instead of insisting that he face the facts and accept responsibility.
3. She helped him get rid of items that could have been evidence in a murder. She covered for him after learning the truth about the affair, which was a key motive in the murder. She protected the lies he told to law enforcement and the media. She helped him get away with murder for nearly four years.
4. She participates in the wholesale bashing and condemnation of Matt's victim, the victim's anguished family, and those who speak out for truth and justice.
5. She participates in the unconscionable slander of Kari Baker and her precious memory.
6. She participates in the horrifically harmful brainwashing of Kari's daughters. They have not been allowed proper counseling, nor the freedom to explore the truth.
7. She sought and accepted assistance from well-meaning Christian people in the community, though this amounted to something resembling fraud. This latest effort in fleecing the people is IMO beyond sickening. I agree with Shannon about the faux "reluctance." She protesteth too much, only because she knew it would look bad. But notice that she gave her approval anyway -- and aren't donations being solicited in HER name?
8. She shows ZERO empathy and callous disregard for the pain of the victims of Matt's crimes, including the girls. She instead magnifies and intensifies their pain, continuing to publicly deny the truth.
9. She points the finger at everyone but her guilty son. She makes threats, files grievances, accuses everyone but HIM of criminal wrongdoing -- the Dulins, the investigators, the District Attorney's office, her son's attorneys, witnesses, the jury, the judge, the media, the public, and so on.
10. She speaks publicly on the girls' behalf, stating that they believe in their hearts 100% in their father's innocence. How can she know? She demonstrates control over their minds, proclaiming that they don't have a single doubt. They are clearly not allowed to think for themselves in that household.

The girls need OUT of there. Now. I pray fervently for Justice for Kari, part two: Restore Kensi and Grace to the home where they belong, and where they will be allowed and helped to heal and grow up healthy and whole in God's love and in the love and care of their mother's family.

Fruits, people.


News said...

To the creator of the brochure: If you want to help the girls sincerely, then open your eyes to the truth. What you did with the brochure was to exploit not just Kensi and Grace but children from their schools and churches. What do the Bakers have over you, that you feel so "loyal" to defend them even in light of justice and a fair trial having ruled on the truth? Can you honestly say that you haven't a doubt about the verdict? If you have not a doubt, then your mind is closed - as there is just too much there to not even have a honest doubt when left alone with your thoughts. With IN Session, 48 hours, 20/20 and all the other national news organizations whom have covered this, do you not think that one of them would find the "conspiracy or the lynch mob" if one existed? National news organizations like that, live to reveal that kind of stuff. MB was not known nationally. He was not a powerful person politically. His only power was the abuse on women and the minds of believers. I am sorry to tell you this, but honestly he used the best you had to offer (and continues today to do so).....which is your faith, trust and loyalty and he used these to make you part of his deceit.
I wish I could hug each of you who was used by him. I know the pain of being used by a sociopath and I remember the desire to stay in denial as to admit I had be someone's chattel property and used and destroyed was almost more painful than my mind could comprehend. I can tell you that in you is the courage to sit alone in truth and choose to take your power and your strengths back. You can keep your loyalty or you can allow someone else to own it.
It might seem that the girls are settled there - but they are settled there all based on lies and those lies continue. They deserve the right to find THEIR OWN TRUTH. Not either set of grandparents truth - THEIR OWN TRUTH. How can they even explore that they had a loving mother who would never have said, you matter less than Kassidy so adios I am outta here. That message alone being continued is far more devastating on a child than moving. I know, because I was ABANDONED by my mother after my father was killed. With the help of the government my paternal g-ma found me and at first it was hard, but after a few weeks I felt what love, UNCONDITIONAL love was and for the first time I knew I would no longer have to be the 'perfect' mirror of whomever I was with, in order to survive. I KNOW that being free to be themselves and ask all the hard questions and just be allowed to find their own truth is what they need. Barbara Bakers love for Matt is so strong, that it clouds her ability to let them ask or explore those questions. Linda Dulin said in open court in front of the world that she forgives Matt as it is the only way the girls can heal. What I hear is the Bakers continuing to blame Linda for persecuting Matt. She sought justice, based on Matt's own actions. Kari told Bristol her fears. Why would Matt have asked her if Kari told her about the pills and her fears? How would he even know to ask that - at the funeral???? Why as soon as he got this answer and a few others did he uproot the children and bring them to Kerrville? I will tell you why, IMHO it was because he knew of your strengths and he he knew he could use them to make you his pawns. Care enough to heal yourself -- that will be the best thing you could do for the girls. Show them it is okay to make mistakes, misjudge and how to be a evolving person who knows that the lessons of life are never done. Show them the courage to ask what am I too learn in this vs staying a victim. You too are a victim, show them you can choose to remain a victim out of pride or shame, or you can choose to be a victor.
I pray you will show them you are a victor.

Sadie said...

If a person claims to act from a "Christian perspective of helping someone in need," does this absolve that person from a Christian duty to act on the side of good, and not of evil?

You have known the Bakers for 20 years. So what? During the past 20 years, did you know that Matt repeatedly cheated on Kari, or that he sexually preyed upon many young women? Did you know that he worshiped his own made-up God who forgave him instantly for adultery and murder? Did you know he was into porn? Did you know that practically everything out of his mouth was a lie? Did you know he was planning to kill his wife? Did you know that he carried out that plan?

Yet you claim you are not brainwashed. The fact is that Matt killed the girls' mother. The Bakers refuse to acknowledge the truth, which automatically disqualifies them as good guardians for these two girls who have lost so much and been lied to for so long.

Do you believe that the Bakers only want what they think is best for the girls? Might they also be motivated by what they personally have to lose when the girls no longer live under their roof?

"Founder," are you really surprised that people question what you are doing? How thoroughly have you questioned it yourself?