Thursday, June 19, 2008


Chew on this....

The number of women who have been murdered by their intimate partners is greater than the number of soldiers killed in the Vietnam War.

Women are 10 times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate.

Nationally 42 percent of murdered women are killed by their intimate partners.

Women often rush into relationships out a desire for companionship and then choose to remain in them, even after it becomes obvious that the relationship is troubled, often "explaining away" less than honorable behavior for the same reasons.

Worldwide up to 70 percent of female murder victims are killed by their male partners (WHO 2002).

Bringing it home....

Erased: Missing Women, Murdered Wives, by author Marilee Strong, brings together 5 years of research in forensic psychology and criminology. Strong provides more than 50 case studies to profile a widespread and previously unrecognized type of murder. This isn’t your text-book crime of passion; instead, this is a calculated, well-planned, and carefully executed form of “erasure.” Strong writes, “These are women who have been ‘erased.’ Some have simply vanished, never to be seen again. Others have been found dead under mysterious by unexplainable circumstances—their deaths attributed to a ‘tragic’ fall, an apparent drowning, suicide, or some senseless street crime. In fact, they were murdered by a husband or boyfriend, then either made to disappear (their whereabouts left and open-ended mystery) or the crime scene rearranged to point police away from their true killer.”

Eraser killers kill for convenience. “Their actions are dispassionate, almost businesslike, yet their crimes are unimaginably cruel. They know what they are doing is wrong, but they do it anyway because they believe that rules don’t apply to them.” You see, they rationalize that the victim deserved what she got. The world is a better place without the victim in it. She was in the way of his plans. And the children left without a mother? Oh, he already had plans for a new one.
Is the hair on your arms standing straight up yet? There’s more.

“These crimes are often committed by men with no criminal record or history of violence whatsoever, men leading functional and often successful lives until the moment they kill the women, and sometimes children, they claimed to love. A surprising number go on to kill a second or even third wife or girlfriend, often in exactly the same way.” Eraser killers feel no guilt for their actions. They don’t fear punishment because they don’t believe they will be caught. And they very, very rarely admit their crimes. These killers tend to have three overlapping psychological traits that researchers call the Dark Triad: psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism.

Are you with me so far?

And perhaps the most vile eraser murder, according to Strong, is the killer who tries to make a murder look like a suicide. He tries to make the victim “out to be her own killer. These murderers inflict not only the trauma of sudden loss on the victim’s friends and family but also the stigma of feeling complicit in the death, for not recognizing the victim’s emotional pain and doing something to prevent the tragedy.” And when there are children involved, they are left with a hurt for which there are no words.

“We can’t even begin to get an accurate assessment of the number of women murdered by a “loving” partner because so many of these cases go undetected or unpunished. Between murders disguised as unexplained disappearances and those staged to look like accidental falls, drownings, suicides, natural deaths, carjackings, or other randomly perpetrated crimes, untold numbers of eraser killings every year are never even recognized as domestic homicides. The system for investigating unnatural or suspicious deaths in this country is incredibly faulty and outdated. Michael Baden, a top forensic pathologist and former chief medical examiner of New York City calls it a national disgrace. Marilee Strong provides specific steps for reform into the death investigation system. She says poorly trained police, and coroners or JPs, often unwittingly help eraser killers get away with murder.

Often it is only a family who refuses to give up that brings an eraser killer to justice. Hear that Dulin family? Keep on!!

Strong writes that eraser killers have an advantage over investigators because of their ability to alter a crime scene to fit the scenario. “If he (eraser killer) places himself at the scene or pretends to have “discovered’ his dead wife, he has the enormous advantage of being able to give police and emergency responders the first description of what happened. His version of events......what he saw, what his wife was doing, how she had been behaving prior to her death, his claims of how he desperately tried to revive her......can create a lasting impression in the minds of the investigators. In addition to physically setting the stage, the killer is able to provide a verbal narrative that can have a very significant impact on how the death scene is viewed.” This sounds frighteningly familiar.

My son’s teacher was erased. We will not give up. Those of us who cared for Kari, love her daughters and support her family. We won’t give up. A friend sent the following commentary the other day. She said she was reading scripture associated with a devotional, and next to the verse she was reading was this:

Justice delayed is still justice. Even in our court systems, where crimes are punished years after they are committed and medals of honor are awarded decades after a war, justice is done. God promises that no evil will go unpunished; no good act will go unrewarded. As Solomon said. “God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil (Eccl 12:14).

If there is anything we can count on, it’s God’s justice.

For Kari. For her daughters. For her family. For justice. We will not give up.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Bringing to the top an old post from November '07

I just thought it might be a good time to bring up this old post .

"God alone has the power to judge eternal judgement and/or final condemnation. But God commands believers to test, prove, judge and discern what is true and what is right and wrong. We are not to judge the hearts and intents of man, but we are to judge actions and discern right from wrong. The word 'judge' (Greek-krino) is used over 80 times in the New Testament and it means to call in question, discern, conclude, decree and determine." ( - I don't know this organization but I liked the way this was worded so I used it.)

John 7:24, Hebrews 5:14, 1 Thessalonians 5:21, Matthew 18:16, and 1 Thessalonians 5:21 as a start. The Bible is very clear and strong on this point. Take a few minutes to follow these two links and read the articles.

Good Question: Who are we to Judge? (by B. Larson on

Common sense suggests that if no one ever judged other people, there would be no real human community. In a sinful world, no community can exist for long where nobody is ever held accountable: no teacher would grade a student's performance; no citizen would sit on a jury or call a failed leader to account. And, when you come to think of it, nobody would ever forgive anyone for wrongs he had done; we only forgive people for what we blame them, and we blame them only after we have judged them.

Is it right to judge others? (Good article by M. Randall)

Today it seems the most often quoted Bible verse is Matthew 7:1, “Judge not, that ye be not judged." Some use it without realizing its true meaning and others, Christian and non Christians, use it to avoid accountability. Hypocrites for example would use it to avoid being challenged in their wrong doing. What does this verse really mean? Does this verse teach that we cannot judge others?

If someone believes there is good evidence and belief that someone commits a crime such as murder, they are not to just sit by and do and think nothing. They are to deliver the alleged offender to the authorities and prove, test and discern. This is what our criminal justice system is for. Surely no one wants to do away with the Courts and trials of all kinds because they are afraid to judge right from wrong and to free the righteous and rebuke and punish the evildoer. I do not and will not ever judge Matt's soul. If he did this and it's proved he did this beyond a shadow of a doubt, I pray that he repents and earnestly seeks God's forgiveness and receives it. I don't want him to go to hell. I am not trying to condemn him at all. And if he's innocent, what a wonderful relief and joyous day it will be when all this is officially put behind him. But this case needs to be tried. The truth deserves to come out. Don't we all want that?

Responding to whoever wrote responding that they agreed with me totally but....
I don't think that my postings and/or comments are evil in the least. I do feel passionately and probably come across that way a lot. I won't apologize for that. Until I see/hear evidence conflicting my opinions, I do not think/believe Kari took her own life. I don't think Kari "chose to leave her girls." It's a gut wrenching subject matter we're discussing and feelings and passions are heated. It's human nature. I've time and time again said I'm not condemning anyone. Not my job. But I am commanded by God to test and discern what is right and wrong and stand on the side of pray....and let God work his plan. In this day and age and with my affinity to the internet and information and communication, I chose to start a blog with the links and information on this case. I never dreamed anyone besides me and a few of my friends and family would ever even see this. I really never dreamed that both family and friends of Matt's and Kari's would come here at all...especially with the frequency and number of hits each day that this blog is getting. Someone complained that this blog is too one-sided on Kari's behalf. Well, it is my blog. I post the news reports and I post my reactions to those reports, my thoughts and my memories. I'm not sitting on the fence on this and neither should my output. If you agree with me and find solace here, check back and keep in touch. If you don't agree with me and this blog just irritates the fire out of you.....I don't mean this rudely at all.....but you don't have to check back and keep in touch. Don't put more irritation into your life than you have already.

With such a passionate and intense subject matter as this, you would expect feelings and opinions to be expressed. Mine...and those commenting to mine and/or others. Yes, sometimes they are calm and sometimes they are more heated. But I don't find my posts or comments evil.

A few of my favorite quotes sum it up:

All that is necessary for evil to succeed is that good men do nothing. ~Edmund Burke

He who does not punish evil, commands it to be done. ~Leonardo da Vinci

When good people in any country cease their vigilance and struggle, then evil men prevail. ~Pearl S. Buck

The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. ~Albert Einstein

Be honest in your judgment and do not decide at a glance (superficially and by appearances); but judge fairly and righteously. ~God

We just need to examine the evidence so we can properly (not superfically) once and for all determine in this case.

Monday, June 2, 2008

The "Suicide" Note


I am so sorry. I am so tired. I just want to sleep for a while. Please forgive me. Tell Kensi and Grace that I love them VERY much. Tell my mom and dad that I love them to. I love you Matt — I am so sorry for the past few weeks. I want to give Kassidy a hug. I need to feel her again. Please continue to be the great Dad to our little girls. Love them every day for me.

I am sorry. I love you.


Yup, that's it. That's the note Matt claims Kari typed up before she took her own life and left her girls, entire family, students and friends forever and ever, Amen. You gotta be kidding me!?! I got more descriptive and lengthy notations than that from Kari sent home on my son's homework papers. Kari was such a passionate and lively, loving woman. I heard her talk about her girls. I saw her adoration for them with my own eyes. If she was planning on leaving this earth, she would not have left this staccato, disconnected, robotic (with a misspelling) note as her legacy. Never. Not to mention this: If you had come to realize recently that your husband was having an affair and possibly trying to kill you....would you make the focus of your note how much you love HIM, thanking HIM for being such a great Dad to your daughters, apologizing to HIM twice and asking HIM for forgiveness? It is so obvious that a woman did not write this note. It's a complete farce.

The note has been posted on another blog that I found a few months ago. It's a fascinating blog called Eyes for Lies. I know many of you have already found this blog because I've gotten numerous emails from people wanting to make sure I was aware of it. This woman is "dead on" with her observations.

When I read Kari's suicide note (shown in the post below) for the very first time, I was immediately struck by how short the note was, the lack of an explanation as to why she was committing suicide, the lack of feelings that would normally be expressed by a woman, and the statement "I just want to sleep for a while".

The statement "I just want to sleep for a while" is a statement that you might hear if someone is in denial, or can't face the consequences of what they are considering doing. It is something someone might say to another if they are contemplating suicide, but can't face it, or say it.

If one is in denial about committing suicide, and acts on an impulse to kill themselves (like jump over a bridge), you won't find a suicide note left behind because in their denial they wouldn't be able to sit down, and write their good-byes.

But if one leaves a note, we can be sure the person was well thought out in their decision to leave us, and had accepted the outcome, and there was no denial. With that, I would expect direct verbiage in a suicide note that the person is finished, doesn't want to go on, doesn't want to live anymore in some form or fashion. I would not expect a person to write a denial statement like we see in Kari's note. One who commits suicide doesn't go to "sleep for a while". To me, these words suggest a big contradiction in behavior that is not logical given the circumstances.

Click here to read the rest of her analysis.

And I want to highlight a comment left on that blog because I think this person is quite astute in their thoughts about this note as well.

As usual, Eyes, you have nailed a crucial discrepancy. You are incredible. You are so amazing and yet so dependable!

This was the first thing that jumped out at me, too: "I just want to sleep for a while." Why apologize so much ("I am so sorry," "I am sorry," Please forgive me") if your stated intention in taking a bottle of sleeping pills (pills which for some reason won't be found in your stomach at your autopsy) is merely to sleep "for awhile" because you are "so tired?"

And why does this note begin by giving the motive of being "so tired" and wanting "to sleep for a while?" when it becomes clear a couple of sentence later that the writer obviously actually intends for the motive to appear to be an obsessive, implacable, desperate desire to be with her child who died seven years before? The other thing that rings so terribly false about this note for me is how badly it fails at expressing a mother's heart towards her children, both living and dead.

Matt would have us believe that Kari's unrelenting anguish about Kassidy's death had brought her to the point of being willing to abdicate her love and obligation to her two living daughters, by deliberately choosing to leave them forever bereft of their mother; her beautiful living daughters (daughters whom she could "feel" and "give a hug" any time she wanted); all for the uncertain, dubious chance to do so with Kassidy again. Does this sound even remotely plausible?

As any mother can tell you, knowing the pain of losing one child would make a woman keenly aware of the unbearable pain her living children would be left with, if either parent were to die suddenly. She would simply not be likely to do that to them. She would be even less likely to leave them no other legacy than the (typed, not handwritten!) words, "Tell [them] I love them VERY much." -- Gee, Mom, thanks for going to all the trouble to hold down the shift key while you typed the word "very." That so makes up for the devastating pain of losing you suddenly and being abandoned by you for the rest of our lives!

If Kari's desperation to be reunited with Kassidy forever -- leaving aside for now what her actual religious beliefs may have been on this score -- was a motive for killing herself, wouldn't her note have contained much more passionate language regarding this hoped-for eternal reunion, than the lame, "I want to give Kassidy a hug. I need to feel her again?" "Give her a hug?" A mother longing to see her baby would be much more likely to express the intense longing to "hold her close to me, hold her in my arms, hold her to my heart," or just "hold her." Forgive me for possibly sounding insensitive, but the concept of giving someone a hug -- seems far too remote and mild to be the goal of a desperate,obsessed mother about to take her own life, in my opinion.

And, this is harder to explain, but "I need to feel her again" is an expression of what the grown-up; the parent; wants. Once again setting aside what Kari's religious beliefs may have been regarding physical bodies in the hereafter -- she "needs" to have physical contact with her long-lost baby daughter. It seems vaguely
self-centered somehow. Wouldn't the mother's thoughts be more along the lines of the baby's being alone and motherless, and needing the comfort and presence of the mother? As in "I want to go to Kassidy and comfort her and never leave her?"
or at least "be with her forever" or something like that?The child had experienced so much pain and suffering and fear in her short life on earth. Wouldn't the mother have alluded to the joy and lack of suffering in the afterlife?

And why leave it to Matt to "tell my mom and dad that I love them to (sic)?" Why not just address them directly in your note: "Mom and Dad, I love you?"Did you notice that the note says "my mom and dad," rather than "Mom and Dad?" In Matt's mind, he would be "Dad (with a capital D)," and Kari's parents would be "your mom and dad," or "her mom and dad."

And didn't one of the stories mention Kari having a brother that she loved dearly? What about grandparents? Friends? Her beloved students from school? Sunday school students? etc? Why isn't anyone else mentioned in this note?Could it be because it was written by a shallow, emotionless sociopath, instead of a devoted, admirable young mother and wife?

As other have pointed out, the focus of the note is almost entirely upon Matt. Did you notice this: There is one single "I love them" for the two little girls to share between them for the rest of their lives. There is one single "I love them to" for her two parents to share between them for the rest of their lives. There are no "I love you's" at all to anyone else in Kari's life, but --Matt somehow rates *two* "I love you's" all to himself in this note! . . . Along with an apology for "the past few weeks" and all the other sorry's and forgive me. Sorry for what? For becoming suspicious that he was having an affair? For wanting him to care about her? For suffering from acute anxiety and distress because she didn't know if their marriage -- which he was destroying -- could be salvaged or not? For suspecting he was planning to kill her? For catching a glimpse of the wolf in sheep's clothing?

Justice. Kari and her family need for the wheels of justice to start turning, pick up some momentum, and set its unwavering, God-driven course for Matt Baker.Full speed ahead.

And On the very day she sailed through an interview for a better job, an opportunity she had expressed hope and excitement about?


Just more points to ponder.