Friday, April 10, 2009

Hey Matt....

Was the "purple fuzzy lamp" in one of the boxes of Kari's stuff you put at the curb for the trashman? Just wondering. My son asked about it tonight.


Linda said...

Was it a floor lamp? Kari and I made that we had so much fun with that. We made it for her girls. Gosh, I miss it all so much.

Shannon said...

To explain to everyone else that may not know what I'm talking about: After Kari's death, the school had a psychologist do a couple of things with Kari's class to help them through that time. One of the things was that they asked each kid to pick something very special in Kari's classroom and they put them all together in a box and sent it to Matt and the girls to help THEM and to give them some of Kari's special things to remember her by. The kids felt good that they were doing something to help in some way.

Well, that box was one of MANY boxes of Kari's stuff stacked out on the curb for the trashman just about 2 weeks after Kari's death.

WHY? WHY? All of Kari's things? WHY? If he didn't want them.....didn't want his girls to have them.....why didn't he give the family a chance to get her things? How wonderfully special and comforting it would be for them to have a few things of Kari's.

He just wanted her ERASED is the only explanation.

Shannon said...

I'll add that the reason I know this is because I have been personally contacted by 5-6 different people in the neighborhood, or dropping off kids in the neighborhood, that saw these boxes on the curb for the trashman on garbage day. And I've been contacted by people that were in the home afterwards and saw Kari just ERASED from the house. Insult to injury. Again and again.

Anonymous said...

again, I have to ask: Why wasn't divorce an option?

Anonymous said...

Divorce is too messy, expensive & embarrassing. Much easier to banish & vanish. Poof, just like magic, she's gone like she never existed. All tidy now!

Shannon said...

Anonymous just above....would you mind shooting me an email? I have a question for you. Thanks!!

sadie said...


This just added a new page to the "despicable" chapter in Matt Baker's book. Heinous crime, soulless monster. Your story about the kids' things being ditched is heart-wrenching.

Reminds me of how he GAVE KARI'S PHONE to his sweetie within days of killing her. I guess it makes it easier to transition to the new honey if you don't have to memorize a pesky new cell phone number. Just change the name on your speed dial and you're good to go, right?

Sorry, Matt, you lose. It is not possible to "erase" a lovely, spirited, beloved human being like Kari.

You'll see.


Anonymous said...

For the sake of Kensi & Grace, and for our own continued healing, it is time to start forgiving Matt--even before the trial. I know I'm gonna get slammed for saying it, but harboring bitterness, resentment and revenge will be sooooo apparent to the girls as they grow up. We have to be able to forgive Matt so that we can love the girls the way they deserve to be loved. I pray daily for justice for Kari, but I also pray that Kari's girls have a chance to love and love life the way Kari did. I have to start with my own heart. I have to forgive Matt.


I came across this website on Sat., 4/11, after having read the initial story on the 48 Hours website. It is now twelve hours later (1:43 a.m.) and I've read all of Shannon's postings, 90% of the comments, and about half of the links.

To Anonymous, April 11 12:57 p.m., the answer to your question, "Why wasn't divorce an option?" is this: As a Baptist pastor, to divorce your wife will insure that you will never again be a pastor in another Baptist church. Divorce ranks right at the top of the list with adultery when it comes to getting "kicked out of the pulpit." And with an ego the size of Matt Baker's, there is no way he was going to jeopardize his "pastor" status. (To say nothing of how he used that status to sexual assault other women.) In his sick and perverted mind, he somehow justified murder disguised as suicide, because he knew that the congregation would take pity on him and be thrilled that he found a "wonderful new wife and mother for two little girls" in Vanessa. And the fact that Vanessa is the daughter of another Baptist minister would "ramp up" the approval factor from the congregation.

This is all probably hard to fathom for anyone who has never been involved in a Baptist church and never experienced the "inner workings." However, for those who have, you no doubt know what I mean.

There's an old "tongue-in-cheek" joke that occasionally makes the rounds: "Divorce? NEVER! Murder? I'm still thinking it over." Maybe Matt Baker heard this joke one time too many!!!

Do I think he's guilty? ABSOLUTELY! Do I think he is a sociopath and narcissist? DEFINITELY! Do I believe he will be convicted? I truly pray so, but I have my doubts.

Unless you have been personally involved with a sociopathic, narcissistic personality, you have no idea whatsoever about how charming and persuasive these individuals can truly be. The saying "he could charm the birds out of the trees" applies. They are truly frightening people. And it is their charm and persuasiveness that makes them so incredibly capable of not only committing heinous crimes (such as what Matt Baker did) but of being absolved of these crimes by a jury.

To the sociopaths, their lies ARE their truths. You could strap a lie detector onto them, and the needle would never budge. You could have twenty witnesses to their crime, and they would have you convinced the evildoer was someone else. They can easily switch from one version of their story to another without so much as flinching, because with each new version they can (and do) shed the previous version like a snake sheds its skin and slithers away from it. Sociopathic narcissists (such as Baker) are made of Teflon...nothing sticks to them!

They are vile, evil people, and once you have met one and been engaged with that person for any reason and for any length of time whatsoever, you'll never forget it. It's almost as though you have fallen into the very pits of Hell itself. And you'll be on guard for the rest of your life. I know from whereof I speak.

Perhaps...just perhaps...Kari was finally coming to the realization that her husband was a dangerous person and perhaps she confronted him. Who knows? We do know Kari confided in her counselor that she feared her husband was trying to kill her. Whatever it was that tipped the scale that night, it was enough of a threat to Matt Baker that he had to "erase" Kari and quickly.

Sadly, Kari's family may never know the truth. The truth lies inside the poisonous heart and corrupted mind of a thoroughly evil man who controls what version of "his truth" he wants to share.

For those of us who are "normal" this is all very difficult to even comprehend. But it's precisely because we operate from the basis of morals and laws that the Matt Bakers of this world can so easily prey upon us and dupe us.

We believe that those we trust and love are good and kind and have nothing but our best interests at heart. After all, that's how we conduct ourselves! It's almost a form of denial in those of us who who are sane, because we don't want to believe that what we are hearing and seeing with our own two senses is actually taking place and destroying our lives and/or the lives of others we know and love.

What is yet to come will be more difficult than can even be imagined as Matt Baker desperately attempts to spare himself from prison and/or death. Unless the Lord Himself chooses to intervene and bring Matt Baker hard to his knees in full repentance, it will be a "no holds barred" defense, of that I'm sure. Remember: Sociopaths know no bounds when it comes to protecting themselves against anything or anyone that threatens them, their so-called reputations, and their plans.

Last but not least, I would not be at all surprised to read that Matt Baker has jumped bond and fled the country...with or without his children. The fact that someone posted his bond and will lose the money means nothing to Baker.

Think about it: Murdering his wife...the mother of his children... was an amazingly easy thing for him to do. Baker thought he'd covered his tracks and never be caught. Baker has no conscience; no soul. It would be an easy, emotionless thing for Baker to jump bond and leave that well-meaning person (or persons) in financial despair.

The indictment states Baker suffocated his wife with a pillow. That's an intensely personal thing to do to someone. Apparently, Baker feels no guilt over such an up-close act upon his own wife. Given that, what makes anyone think he would feel the least bit of remorse by jumping bond and leaving someone holding the bag? In his crooked, perverted mind, which was/is more important? Replacing Kari with Vanessa or his life and freedom?

To a narcissistic sociopath, everything MUST center around what they perceive is best for them, regardless of the outcome and devastation to other people. I repeat that I will not be surprised if he jumps bond.

In closing, may the Durin family and friends know the peace and comfort of the Lord Jesus Christ in very tangible and real ways as the trial progresses.

Thanks, Shannon, for a superb job with this website and for your faithfulness to Kari's memory and family. Kudos!

Anonymous said...

to anon April 11, 2009 10:12 PM

You are absolutely correct that we must forgive Matt. Jim and I are on this journey. However, it is a journey....sometimes I think we are there and then things happen and I feel like we are back at square one.

I believe that much of what you read on the blog isn't hate for Matt; it is frustration that justice has taken so long. It is incredible sadness that two little girls have to live through this
( Jim and I hurt so much for them...We wish so badly that we could protect our granddaughters from all of this). Yes, there is anger. However, that is part of the journey to forgiveness. It is part of the cycle of grief.

Jim and I made a vow that we would NEVER disparage Matt to Kensi and Grace...NEVER. And we won't. In fact, we discuss their love for him when we are blessed to be with them. He is their father, no matter what he has done. They love him and we must honor and acknowledge this because we love them dearly.

We pray for all who have been hurt through this terrible crime. I have a wonderful student in my business and professional speaking class who told me the other day that her grandson was in Kari's third grade class. Kari instilled in this boy a love for reading---sadly, his love for books died with Kari. His grandmother told me that her grandson has never been the same. You see, there are so many who have been hurt through this tragic loss. Shannon began her blog because her own son was hurting.

I hear you and I do agree with you---forgiveness is necessary for healing. Please be patient if it doesn’t seem that it is coming soon enough. Some journeys are very painful, and God uses this time to grow us---And, boy, is He growing me. I cling to Him. I have faith that we will see justice----that Kensi and Grace will grow into whole and healthy young women. However, my faith in the One who arose on this day is not based on the events that transpire in this world but in the promise of Eternity with Him.

Thank you for your honesty.
Linda/Kari’s mom

meg said...

to Ohio anon. Thank you for such an indepth analysis of the sociopath. I have studied this disorder, and I agree with all you said. I do believe there will be a conviction. This DA's office doesn't t ake on cases unless they have solid evidence for a conviction. There are no guarantees but my money is on justice.

Thank you for your valuable insight.

Anonymous said...

I think it is harder to forgive someone when they are not sorry. Yes, it must be done. But it is hard. And forgiving doesn't mean forgetting or letting someone escape the consequences of their actions.

I will forever regret not stopping, picking up those boxes and holding on to them for Kari's family. I thought it was so weird to see all that out there so soon, but I didn't know. We all suspected foul play, but we just didn't know. Linda, I'm so sorry!

I know Matt's mom was there helping "clean out" at one point. How does she explain throwing all Kari's stuff out without letting Linda, her own mother, go through it? Seems like she should have known better. I just don't see how his parents cannot have their doubts about Matt, even if he is their own son. And why hasn't he gotten a better job? This indigent thing is just flat embarrassing for someone who graduated from Baylor and Truett with a master’s degree. Since Kari's death, Matt Baker has not conducted himself in the way an innocent, respectable man who wants to take care of his girls would which leads me to believe that he is neither.


To Meg, April 12th: Thanks for your kind words. I, too, hope and pray there will be a conviction, or a full confession by Mr. Baker.

To Jim and Linda, all Kari's family and friends: My heart goes out to each of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

None of us...on this side of Heaven...can comprehend the ways of the Lord. But this much I know, His timing is perfect and He rules and over-rules all. His ways will not be thwarted.

I pray that God will use your immense sorrow and this tragedy in your lives to bring glory and honor to the Name of Christ Jesus the Lord.

God bless you and give you peace.

Anonymous said...

I was married to a man so much like Matt Baker and it makes me sick to listen to his ridiculous lies!!! It's so obvious he is lying and I hope the jury can see it as plainly as I can. Even about little things. like when he talks about having to take care of the kids. I don't think so! And he would throw a subtle negative comment about Kari when ever he could during his interview explaining "the truth".
Kari probably was struggling to keep her family together hoping he would change, but I'm sure she knew the "real" Matt. I would ask all of you making public statements like "he would never do that" or "he's not that kind of man" to stop making fools of yourselves.....You didn't live with him!!!!! You don't really know someone until you do. In public, you were seeing the Matt he wanted you to see. He's great at manipulation and taking advantage of people, especially women! He wanted to be the "poor guy raising his babies alone....oh until he found someone to help him...and being a widow...this would be "acceptable". He wanted to come out of this being the victim! Doesn't this sound like the Scott and Laci Peterson and Amber Frey story???? And sooo many people thought he was innocent at first, too! Matt Baker is just as guilty. I pray he gets what he deserves!!