"The Big Chill"

Kari was killed late Friday, April 7th of 2006. This was the weekend before Easter weekend of that year. She was buried on Monday. I believe the girls were back to school Tuesday or Wednesday. Then it was Easter break.

In the past the teachers always make little treats or whatnot for their students on major holidays. I knew my son's class, still reeling from the shock of their teacher dying and gone forever, wouldn't have Mrs. Baker there to do this for them. I wanted them to have a little something like all the other classes in the school would. A permanent substitute wasn't in place yet and I didn't know if whoever was watching their class would do anything. I was my 1st grade daughters room mom and had made 20 little treats for them and sent them with her that morning. I still had the stuff in my car and enough left over to make 20ish more. So I sat in the parking lot of the school and put them together quickly.

I went into the office and asked the staff if I could get these to Mrs. Baker's class. I was standing at the secretary's desk with my back to the door. Someone walked in behind me and stood to my right while I continued talking to one lady. Another lady behind the desk picked up the phone to call teachers to send the Baker girls to the office, that their Daddy was there to pick them up a little early. I froze. A chill went through my entire body. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I felt nauseous. Seriously at the time, I thought it was just a gush of grief and empathy that a man whose wife (which happened to be my son's teacher) just committed suicide was standing right next to me....most likely completely broken-hearted and in grief and turmoil but having to suck it in while he picked up his girls from school and faced people that worked with and knew and loved his wife. I couldn't speak to him. I didn't know why but I couldn't.

Now, I know what that nauseating, hair raising chill was. Evil. Pure evil was inches from me. And I felt it.